#soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men
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had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.
#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity....#ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply#& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected#theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young#that im like#obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid .#but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking#and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up#and then try it again if i so wish#and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously#soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men#but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis .#of course im not doing it like them .#so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration#has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul.#:)#yeah .#i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah#goodnight :)#speak#materialization#ok2rb
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